Chapter 6.4: I Know A Little About Everything

In pretty much every writing class I've attended in college, we are asked to identify things we are an expert in. And that can be pretty much anything from knowing every genus that exists to making a truly excellent batch of break and bake cookies. I think they partially do this so that everyone feels special and realizes that there is something out there that they rock at (we English folk are a touchy-feely lot).

And since I am nearing the end of my time here, I've had to think about this question a lot. Especially since I happen to have two writing courses right now. So what am I actually an expert in? Where do my powers lie? Here's what I've been able to come up with.

I make a killer pan of boxed brownies. I can whip up a truly excellent batch of brownies from a box, even using the temperamental oven that resides in my kitchen at home. I make them come out in gooey, chocolate-y perfection. I cannot, however, make cake. It always comes out too dry. I also learned that adding chocolate chips, coconut, and chocolate frosting creates the life form known as the Death Brownie. Run while you still can.

I've forgotten more about Harry Potter than you will ever know. I am a Harry Potter nerd with a great memory and a penchant for trivia. I'm not saying I know everything about the books (indeed there's probably much that has fled my memory to make room for things like dance choreography) but I've probably forgotten more than a lot of people ever knew. I rock at Jeopardy night in Harry Potter club. (Oh, and I used to freak kids out by picking up the Ukrainian version in out school library and reading the first page (which I had memorized) aloud.)

I know the wily beagle. Beagle owners are a special breed of dog lovers. You have to be fast and constantly vigilant. The beagle is smart enough to learn the commands you give it, but it is stubborn enough to know exactly what you are saying and choose to ignore you. It takes cunning and patience to block the beagle's dastardly plans. If they had thumbs, they'd totally be ruling the world right now.

Appearing wiser than I am. I'll let you in on a secret, you can appear at least 36.7% smarter than you really are by looking like you know exactly what is being said and staying quiet. It's harder than it sounds, since you have to appear that you understand and knew all about this beforehand, without drawing attention to yourself so much that you have to speak when you have no clue what to say. This also can work when you haven't read the book for class but need to participate in discussion (which I of course have never done. I'm just saying hypothetically that this can work ;)). You just need to wait for a moment when you can contribute to the conversation without having to know what it's about. Like say, you're talking about Huck Finn and someone brings up running away. Well now you can talk about the mentality of children running away and add to discussion without having to know what it's about. You're welcome.

Wearing the guise of the techno-savvy. This goes with Appearing smarter than I am. Somehow, through a basic awareness of how technology should work and the use of Google, I have managed to convince people that I am knowledgeable about computers and technology. I can fake it a little, but I cannot help you fix your computer. Heck, I can't help fix my computer. I can however make YouTube videos into MP3s. Awesome.

Looking like I'm running but not. I suck at PE and have absolutely no endurance. Which means that the warm-up two minute jog in middle school and high school was torture. So I developed a kind of bouncy walk that looks like I'm jogging, but I'm totally not. It must be at least a little effective since I managed to pass PE.

Staying in people's good graces. I don't get in trouble. Teachers think well of me, my parents and I get along, and I don't usually have problems with other people (yay for drama-free existence). This is for a combination of reasons. One, I am quiet. Which as a kid meant that I didn't get in trouble when my sister did because she was yelling (although in my defense, she usually was at fault anyway). Two, somehow, I manage to charm my way out of trouble. I get this from my dad. It's not so much that I ooze charisma, I just know the right way to phrase my words and tone to use that will piss someone off the least. It probably doesn't hurt that I look tiny and fragile and helpless.

These are all the things I can think of for now. What are your hidden areas of expertise? And remember, sometimes it's more helpful to know a little bit about everything than a lot about one thing.